Iñigo Ortega Martínez

Movies

Movie Reviews are only in original language or English

Eternals (2021)

6.0

2022-01-14

So. Girls:

  • The Chosen One, I think she is Chinese, with the power to destroy any form of life.
  • A little girl. She might be playing a kind of Ireland role? I don't want to comment more about her (although I didn't know she was a girl until the middle of the film, lol).
  • An ultra dominant white blonde with somehow botox already included (this can't be an Arishem creation). She is also right from the beginning.
  • The leader, which is Latina. There is not much explanation about herself in the film either.
  • An Afroamerican mute lady. So she likes to steal? She is fast and hears a lot of things, but is she deaf?

Boys:

  • The only cool guy, Gilgamesh. South Korean. So the script says we have to sacrifice him? No problem.
  • A superman clone, a white man, but this time he is the bad guy, he is also stupid and eventually he has to give up and accept the destiny the others have chosen while crying before he decides to (again?) sacrifice himself.
  • A kind of bad guy, which is white, who only thinks about controlling human brains, which of course, again... he has to give up his ideals for those of other people.
  • An Indian that seems to only care about filming himself. I don't like the actor, but I like the character. They also picture him as dumb and he decides to follow no matter what who he considers the real boss (the superman clone). Then he disappears for the whole duration of the final battle (what?).
  • Aaaaand the Afroamerican. Homosexual. He also wants to educate like super perfectly his child with no violence or I don't know. That kid is going to end up spoiled. And he again... has to give up his ideals after destroying Hiroshima.

I'm seing a pattern around here.

Non main characters:

  • We got the Arab. Also homosexual. Kind of bald too.
  • Karun. Indian. The other Indian's human valet. This guy is godlike. His is also fat.
  • Protagonist's boyfriend. White. Not only is he slow, weak and a coward, his family is also kind of cursed or demonized.
  • The mind controllig guy also lives with a bunch of Spanish-speaking Amazonians.
  • And I don't remember more.

So we got white people, afroamerican people, African people, Asian people (India, China and South Korea), Latinos, mute people, homesexual people, young age people, fat people.

What about love? So the little girl loves superman but she cannot have him because she is too young looking, but superman loves the Chosen One, the Chosen One kind of loves superman, but she already kind of has a useless boyfriend among mortals, but the leader also loves him somehow, the fast mute girl seems to like the mind controlling psychopath (I thought she was going to be lesbian) and the psycopath itself seems to agree? The 2 homesexuals like each other. The Indians seem not to deserve love (or do they?). Gilgamesh loves the botox blonde and she seems to accept that relationship I guess? nah, after Brad Pitt not many boys are worthy of her.

In summary,

  • Inter-racial film... check
  • People with disabilities... check
  • Love stories... check
  • Non-traditional love relationships... check
  • Non-binary people... I thought the little girl was going to fulfill this, sad... uncheck

And... for the final point, a situation where boys are dumb or bad guys or make bad decisions and they finally have to give up (whatever they were doing) or sacrifice for some dominant and/or right-from-the-beginning girls... check

You really got this film right Disney. Congratulations!

Not let's talk about the secondary aim of the film. The plot. Pretty stupid actually. So Celestials are like world-eaters? And you say they cannot interfere with any fight that involves humans? Are you dumb or what? When fighting Thanos, not only were humans in that war. There were more people and more than just human lifes at stake. It doesn't have any sense. So you need as much population as possible, but you let Thanos kill half of it? Not only in the Earth but also on the whole Universe, so not only is the Celestial on the Earth going to have a delay on its birth, but also everyone on the Universe. Ajak, the leader, knowing this, should have contacted Arishem or at least group Eternals to stop the war. Well, compared to some Avengers, these Eternals are pretty useless so...

And the rest of the plot is like... well, predictable. How many times may have I seen this thing about that they initially had an objective, but somehow they dicide to disagree with it in the middle of the film to go against it? We got here another Captain Marvel I see (the actress that performed the Chosen One role actually appeared on that film interestingly. She is the blue girl that goes along with Captain Marvel in the beginning).

At least they didn't use Angelina Jolie as the Chosen One. I get sick everytime I see her face.

And what about "Thanos' brother"? That is, of course, false. I hope so. At least, I'm expecting a big purple muscular bald guy from a Thanos brother.

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